The Most Offensive Jokes that are Funny

The most offensive jokes that are funny are delineated for your reading. Isn’t it true that there are several ways people crack jokes that at the end of the day appear to be not only boring but also that they are somewhat taunting to the audience?

Although it is also true that by sitting in an audience and listening to someone reel off edgy joke after edgy joke, we can laugh without fear and allow our stresses to melt away. Let us however be careful to note that comedy should be above censorship, in many ways, because it is not condoning anything. Instead, it is making light of the bad, ridiculing the villains, and empowering people to laugh in the face of adversity.

The Most Offensive Jokes that are Funny

Humor is a very subjective thing. What one person may find pant-wettingly hilarious, another may find dull and boring. And just because you have a sense of humor, does not interpret to mean you will make everybody happy at the same time when you can.

Yet, when it comes to laughter, one style is looked up with far more disdain than others. Dark humor jokes are like an uncle with Tourette; everybody wishes they had one, but when you do, you’re not really allowed to talk about it. So it becomes necessary to look at some of the most offensive jokes that are funny in our world of today. These are:

Part I

1. During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
   I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
   Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
   My friend was the only one who laughed.
2. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
   You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
3. My girlfriend, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
4. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
   His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?”
   “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
   There’s silence and then a gunshot.
   The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”
5. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped, though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
6. I was at the park the other day when a mother sat down beside me. After a while, she leaned over and asked, “Which one is yours?”
   I looked at her and said, “I haven’t decided yet.”
7. My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
   If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
8. Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
   Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
   Doctor: “Your test results are back, and you have only two days to live.”
   Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
   Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
9. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather,
   Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
10. My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, “Knock knock,” we’d say, “Who’s there?”
    Then she’d say, “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.
11. Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
12. What’s the difference between me and cancer?
    My dad didn’t beat cancer.
13. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
    She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
14. Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
    Patient: “OK.”
    Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
15. What is the worst combination of illnesses?
    Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
17. What’s the similarity between a pregnant teen and the baby she is carrying?
    Both are thinking, “shit, my mom is going to kill me.”
18. There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

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Part II

The most offensive jokes that are funny are also grouped in this second part:

1. Why do women always look skinny after a miscarriage?
   They don’t lose their figure when they don’t go full term.
2. I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
3. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother.
4. A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
   The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.”
   “Thanks, Dad,” the son says.
   The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
5. If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling.
   Sheesh!
6. “I work with animals,” the guy says to his date.
   “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Are you a vet?”
   “No, I’m a butcher,” he says.
7. It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
   He was a great vet.
8. If at first, you don’t succeed… then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
9. They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
   I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
10. Why is the leper’s hockey game get canceled?
    There was a face-off in the corner.
11. I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
12. What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
    Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
13. I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake
    … It was a bittersweet victory.
14. It’s important to have a good vocabulary.
    If I had known the difference between the words’ antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
15. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.”
    The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?”
    The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
16. What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
17. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
18. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    Exactly where you left it.