Humans have had a vast number of diverse responsibilities ever since the beginning of our existence. And most of these responsibilities, if not all, must be fulfilled once or many times, as the case may be, in a lifetime.
We do not question our existence, neither do we abolish these responsibilities, as they are meant to be embraced and not be negated.
These responsibilities vary, there are obligatory ones and there are voluntary ones, there are the major ones and the minors are not excluded. I will like to enlighten us on one of the known major responsibilities of mankind, and that is marriage.
Marriage, as we know it, is the legal union of man and woman as they become husband and wife, but, that definition is almost obsolete in the modern and civilized sense. When we talk about human existence and earthly responsibilities, they come with both virtues and vices, or should I say, positivity and negativity.
In some parts of the world today, diverse definitions of marriage have been noted out and promulgated for the entire world to be aware of whilst eliminating a lot of obscurities. Marriage is no more referred to as the union of the opposite sex, it has gone way beyond that to the extent of having legalized marriages between people of the same gender. It is quite an abomination in African societies but we need to eliminate the possibilities of racial discrimination and segregation here because, it has become a worldwide phenomenon.
Therefore, when we discuss this highly wide subject, we should cover all relevant branches and forms of marriage and that brings us to the reasons why people get married.
Five Wills of Marriage – Why We Get Married.
Marriage exceeds being just a physical union; it is also a spiritual and emotional union—a life-long commitment to your brand new family.
People engage themselves in relationships and courtships for diverse purposes that we may or may not already know of, but why do they take it a step further and step up to the higher level to get married? What prompts us to discuss the subject with our respective partners and not get shunned? There are some highlighted reasons:
1. For Love:
Love is one of the most appreciated Wills of Marriage and a huge factor in the concept of companionship as it plays the major role.
No one would ever want to be with who they do not love or care about. Love brings care and affection, and love, they say conquers all, as it levitates above all other factors that facilitates the essence of this so-called life-long commitment.
Louis de Bernieres asserted that, “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that is inconcievable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.”
2. For Companionship:
It is human nature to be lonely and feel alone sometimes even when we are in the midst of a crowd. This happens to both genders especially from being teenagers till we become adults. So, a lot of people get married because they yearn for a companion.
Bruce Forsyth elaborated that, “The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you do not find very often, then that is what love is all about.”
But, who is a companion? A companion is someone worthy of being a trusted and dependable confidant. Someone to relay your troubles to and provide solutions while also bringing you comfort. Of course, love is immensely involved here as well.
3. To Leave Legacies Behind:
Yes, death is inevitable and no one lives forever. The only thing that can is our name. So, a lot of us would like our names to be remembered centuries and millenniums after our passing and never be forgotten.
And the ways to keep the name going are by our deeds, and of course, our children. And that takes us to the next reason people get hooked.
4. To Secure Our Future:
We say and believe that the children of today are the leaders of tomorrow. And when they in fact become leaders—and I mean that, both literally and figuratively, they solidify their parents’ names and theirs.
5. For Religious Beliefs:
This is at the bottom of my list because there is a vast number of religions in the world today and each has various practices. Most, if not all, take marriages very seriously because they believe that it is one of the purposes that must be fulfilled.
Even atheists believe in marriage—well, it is safe to assert that they would believe in anything other than God. So, based on our different religious practices, we are inclined to believe in marriage as one of the purposes of man.
There are a lot more reasons why people get married as we all have our ways, so to speak.
As we all acknowledge, life is full of ups and downs, and everything that has an advantage comes with a disadvantage as well. Sometimes, the merits might be above or greater than the demerits, and other times, that latter wholly devours the former.
Whichever the case may be, shall we look into some extremely common marriage issues faced by the couple and other external abnormalities?
Problems and Challenges of Marriage.
The problems and challenges faced by couples are numerous and cannot be overemphasized. But, of course, disagreements are absolutely normal, conflicts happen and they get resolved, everything is fair in love and war, right? Challenges are faced at the earlier stages of marriage, the mid and the late stages. Now, hold your horses, I shall break it all down.
1. Financial Stress/ Constraints:
Oh my! I am definitely sure this being the first point of mine does not seem outlandish. They say, “Money makes the world go round”, and to live a comfortable life, you need a good source of income.
A couple should both have their means of livelihood. This does not only make them independent, it gives them control and confidence as they venture into their lifetime business.
But from time to time, both new and old couples may go through financial constraints sometimes, and that triggers a lot of negativities. This can be resolved by understanding and learning a helping hand to each other.
2. Bad Habits:
As we all know, no one is perfect. All human beings have different types of flaws in which some are easier to correct and change than others. Couples need to acknowledge each other’s flaws and correct them if possible; and if they cannot be corrected, they should learn to live with these flaws because there is nothing like a perfect marriage, even though no marriage is perfect.
3. Ignoring Boundaries:
No matter how close and submerged in love a couple is, they still have minor, or in some cases, major boundaries. For instance, a wife may not be permitted to pick her husband’s calls or make baseless insinuations while the husband must not in any way disrespect his in-laws. These are boundaries made by both parties which they need to respect.
4. Busy Schedules:
In a situation where both partners have corporate or official ovulations, theis tend to occur very frequenly and create the need to make enormous sacrifices that end up benefiting one and totally ruining the other. As they both strive to make ends meet by working, they should never forget the fact that they are married, and they are meant for each other.
In this case, they need to set their priorities straight and create special times for each other.
5. Communication Issues:
If the previous issue is not solved, this will undoubtedly emerge. The fact that couples have busy schedules wilk definitely decrease their communication level. They will have less time to talk and even lesser time to listen. And communication is very crucial in our individual lives as much as in marriage.
6. Selfishness:
No matter how much love a couple have for each other, the need to be selfish at certain times will arise. We should not live by the quote, “In a selfish world, the selfish survives” when we are married. Marriage, as we have learned earlier, brings unity and not division.
7. Issues With Children’s Upbringing:
We were brought up in different ways from different backgrounds, and with different ethics and values. As we grow older, we tend to formulate our principles or policies. When two strangers get married, two basic bodies of principles are merged to become one, which is why couples must work together to bring up their children.
The father must not teach his child some values while the mother rebuffs them because she does not care about them. This creates a lot of arguments between couples as they also confuse their child or children at once in unison.
8. Daily Stress:
As soon as children comes into the family, couples may end up getting worn-out every single day of their lives and completely forget about each other as their main goals will be to bring up their children the right way.
9. Lack Of Sexual Intimacy:
If the previous point is not corrected, this problem will arise. Couples lack the urges to be sexually intimate with each other when they are always fatigued every single day. And if this continues, they will completely lose the “spark” that ought to be between them. So, the stress needs to be eradicated and schedules must be made to increase their sex life and intimacy, generally.
10. Jealousy:
Sometimes, when a couple encounters problems or challenges, filthy insinuations arise. This mostly comes from the wife, and she may start making unnecessary allegations even if nothing has happened. Couples tend to get jealous of each other’s deeds as they would start the assumptions that they are being cheated on by their partners and accuse each other of emotional or sexual infidelity.
11. Boredom:
If a couple sticks to a way of living with each other, whatever they do becomes monotonous. And this is the time they book therapy sessions and seek various ways to “spice up” their marriage.
12. Different Life Stages:
Every couple wants to have their “happy ever after” but sadly, it is not as easy as it seems. Growth continues whether it is pleasing or not, and beforw you know it, senility sets in. Changes in a couple’s way of life are inevitable as they grow older together. There are life stages that they have to overcome and very rare couples make it through.
This can never be avoided no matter how strong a couple’s bond is. This is the time to sticka with what they believe in and make use of whatever works for them.
The challenges of marriage are vast, as it is only in marriage that you embrace difficulties like you cherish it. And to make a breakthrough, one needs all the patience in the world, trustworthiness, loyalty and intelligence—even though all these do not guarantee a “happy ever after”, but it sure guarantees survival. Being married is like being in the wilderness, if you do not fight for survival, the jungle will come alive and devour you. No one truly knows the key to a successful marriage, we only have different keys that work for different marriages, so find the key that is compatible with your lock, and you shall open up your “happy ever after”.
Katja Millay also proclaimed that, “People like to say love is unconditional, but it is not, and even if it was unconditional, it is still never free. There is always an expectation attached. They always want something in return.
Like they want you to be happy or whatever, and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they will not be happy unless you are.”
